The despair I feel in my heart today
as we scatter your long lived body now
turned into ashes.
Never to see your warm face light-up again.
Never to touch your sweet red lips
that turn into the biggest , brightest vibrant smile
when your angel husband, Art, walked into the room
the whole room would light up.
Never to be able to read to you again
what the word "mother"
meant to me and to have your
eyes gazing at me as my lips formed the words spoken.
Never to sing again "You Are My Sunshine"
feeling our oneness in spirit
as I heard your breathe on the other side of the phone listening
to every sound resonating from deep within my heart
as I felt the calming effects both you and I felt that magical day.
Never to sing all the songs you so loved and longed to
always hear .. never dreaming your baby daughter would
be the one to sing them to you as you lay there so beautiful,
yet so helpless ..
Your eyes beaming at me, as I caught a little teardrop running
down your smooth rosey cheek to the many songs that will
forever live on in your spirit.
Never again to wrap you in my arms as I held your fearful head
that night so close to my body when you were too scared to
close your eyes ..
as I said to you "sleep mama .. you need your strength."
Never to get up all night long to make sure you were okay
and still breathing as I laid my head near your chest listening.
Never to sleep in the same room with you in a cot
next to your bedside.
Never to be able to wrap a warm washcloth across your cold face
to comfort you as much as possible.
Never to put the water bottle on your tummy with your tender
little hands and fingers so they wouldn't be cold during the
Never to tell you again "don't worry Mama .. I'll be here --
I'm not leaving you."
Never to share the lighting of the Pikake-scented candle with you
representing your love for the Islands
and helping to give you healing strength
to continue on your journey.
Never to awaken next to you again as I held your hand in mine
and say "Good Morning Mama" --
only to hear the words "she's gone."
Mama .. just know it was my pleasure to give back to you
what you gave to me at birth and all through the years.
I will cherish those ending two-weeks of your life that I was privileged to spend giving you my all to make you
hoping it would help soothe your transition into the unknown world more smoothly ..
mama dear, those memories are engraved in my heart and soul forevermore!
Thank you for bringing me into this world ---
I LOVE YOU AND WILL MISS YOU!